Dating Over 40

Dating Over 40 Average ratng: 4,0/5 1298 reviews

We’re breaking free from the excuses for good. Check out three misconceptions about dating after 40 and step back into the scene with a confident heart.

The free dating site has created many WeLoveDates niche offshoots for casual dating, toyboy dating, lesbian dating, disable dating, and more. WeLoveDates has a section dedicated to Silver Dates (aka over 40 dating) so you can keep to your own and find an age-appropriate date. Dating.com is an online platform known for successfully working in the sphere of matchmaking for more than 20 years. Singles over 40 trust our dating site for many reasons such as: Unique searching system which accounts on preferences you mention while making a list of compatible partners for each customer individually.

After being out of the dating game for 15 years, I found myself single at 45. Once I got over the shock and awe of being back in the dating pool, I talked to friends about what it was like to date online.

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Oh, the stories I heard.

A few people had beautiful anecdotes to share about finding their soulmate online. My twin sister ended up marrying the first man she went on a date with and they are so blindingly happy that sometimes it hurts to look at them.

More often, though, there were tales of extraordinarily dehumanizing behavior that were heartbreaking to hear. One of my friends found who she thought was her perfect man, only to discover six months later that he lied about his name and age, and was married to a woman who was about to have his child.

Another friend told me half of the men she chatted with would eventually ask her to send them naked photos or Skype in the nude.

This was a little disheartening to hear.

The really interesting thing about all of these narratives is they came from people who consider themselves to be conscious singles. Many of them used niche dating sites for people who are green, spiritual, or want to experience relationships on a deeper level.

It was a bit of a shocker to me that there would be such an abundance of bad behavior on these types of dating sites. My friends unanimously chalked it up to one thing: all the good ones our age are already taken.

I decided to take the plunge anyway and—three years later—I completely disagree with them. The majority of my experiences with online dating have been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve only had a handful of negative experiences and, in all honestly, I kind of saw them coming but chose to ignore the warning signs.

My reasons for ignoring those signs were generally superficial. In one situation I thought to myself, “Well, this guy may be a little crazy, but he is a dead ringer for John Cusack.” Big error in judgment on my part.

I’ve met some really fantastic men, and I feel blessed to have made a few long term friends out of it. I haven’t found “The One” yet, but in all honesty, I haven’t been looking very hard.

So why have so many of my friends had such a different experience than I have? We are all over 40, relatively attractive, and honest in our profiles. What’s going on here?

I think we attract our expectations.

When I decided to date online, I did so with intention. I didn’t go into it looking for any specific “type,” but I did have a clear cut idea of what I wanted. I intended to attract men who were kind, interesting, genuinely liked and respected women, and were honest. That’s all I asked for—and that’s what I got.

I also decided not to buy into the myths and stereotypes about dating over 40, and I’m grateful I did. My experience debunked quite a few of them.

Here are a few beliefs that might be keeping you from a good online dating experience.

All the good ones my age are taken.

I’ve heard this from both men and women. There’s a stereotype that women are jaded, bitter, and angry at our age, and that men only want one thing. Both generalizations are untrue.

There are over 20 million men and women in the U.S. who date online. Please don’t tell me that there aren’t any good ones out there. I’ve met quite a few of them locally. There are plenty of beautiful people out there looking for love.

This is simply perception. If you assume this is what you are going to get, it’s exactly what you are going to get. What you focus on is what you receive. If you meet someone who just got divorced and is only looking for a good time, don’t get upset or offended. Wish him luck, send him on his way, and keep a clear intention that you’re looking for something else.

The dating pool is thin after 40.

Guess what, folks? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 50% of the population over 40 is single with 49% female and 51% male. It’s less likely that the dating pool is thin due to a lack of single people, and more likely that people stop dating because of the discouraging (albeit false) statistics that there’s no one to date.

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My list of “must haves” is non-negotiable. Anything less is settling.

When discussing this with my friends, their “must have” lists have quite a few superficial qualities on them. They require their dates have certain body types, incomes, hair colors and lengths, and careers.

The friend who keeps finding men who want naked pictures of her is the biggest culprit with this. At least half of the qualities that are important to her are physical. When I pointed this out, she was a bit surprised that she’d put so much focus on the external. No wonder she keeps attracting men who are the same way!

My best relationship was with someone who wasn’t even close to my “type.” My worst? Someone who was exactly what I thought I was looking for.

Instead, hold the intention that the Universe bring people into your life who will support your growth and happiness, and that they show up for the best and highest good. Isn’t that really all you need?

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Let’s be blunt: dating at 40 isn’t the same as dating at 20. But not for the reasons you might think. It’s not because you’re older, pickier, or that the dating pool has shrunk. The dating pool is the same; and as for your age, well, you’re just a bit older and way more impatient. Nobody blames you for that. At 40, the trick to having a bullshit-free dating experiences is simple: change your mindset, attitude, and approach.

Read these straight-up tips about dating when you’re 40 and single to approach things the right way:

1. Stop caring so much.
Easier said than done, obviously. But there’s truth to this whole not-caring thing. Good things come to those who have even better things to care about. Now you might be thinking, “What’s more important than finding love?” That’s where your thinking is wrong.

If your biggest care in life is finding love, that means your biggest priority isn’t YOU. People who have active, satisfying lives are the most inspiring and attractive people. But if you’re always in self-pity mode, sulking around and hating your singleness, you’re not going to attract positive people.

People you’ve just met don’t like feeling responsible to renew your faith in dating. You’re not an empty vessel who needs to be rescued; so take care of yourself first! When you’re 40 and single, focus on being fabulously 40 and single. This mindset will empower you to date with more confidence.

Dating Over 40

2. Create and attract positive energy.
Positive people attract each other—and yes, The Law of Attraction is real. Newsflash to any skeptics or anti-spiritualists out there, the Law of Attraction really is a LAW—like actually, it’s quantum physics!

But let’s not bore you with the nerdy details and keep it simple: Brain imaging studies prove that when we feel someone’s amazing energy, our brain mirrors those feelings, “as though you are actually doing these things,” says Award-winning Neuroscientist, Srinivasan Pillay in Huffington Post.

No wonder we’re naturally drawn to positive people. We all want to feel that positive energy, especially from others. So ditch any sourness or pessimism you may have about dating at 40. It’ll only turn people away.

3. Avoid one night stands.
Sure, one night stands can be hot. But are they hot enough to sacrifice a meaningful relationship? Some singles believe that they can have it all: relish the thrills of one-nighters and still keep their hopes open for something deeper. There’s only one problem with this logic…

Again, we’ll revisit The Law of Attraction. You get what you put out. So if you’re indulging in meaningless sex, you shut down your relationship-attracting energy. You’re not genuinely practicing the lifestyle of someone who values love, making you more unlikely to find it.

4. Believe actions, not words.
Age-old and foolproof, the rule of seeking actions over words never gets stale. Just because you’re 40, the singles don’t magically get designated with a maturity badge or a diploma in honesty.

So stay sharp when you date and don’t take people’s words so seriously. They might claim to want a serious, meaningful relationship, but how do you know? They might even dazzle you with tales of their noble integrity or sob stories about how their ex hurt them. Maybe they seem super sincere when they say they’re looking for the one. Take it with a grain of salt, and wait and see if their actions match up to their words.

5. Don’t air your dirty dating laundry.
Everyone has dating problems. Don’t advertise yours. When you’re dating, set the negativity aside and put your best self forward.

No matter how bad the baggage may be, don’t talk about it. Or imagine how you’d feel, listening to someone air their dirty laundry. Do you want to hear about how their dad’s in jail or that their landlord is a psycho? These stories don’t make your life seem more interesting; they make you seem unstable.

Even minor stuff, like why you hate your ex, should be off limits. These stories suck the energy out of the date.

6. Avoid Mr. or Miss player on dating apps.
Sifting through the nonsense is easy. You just need to turn up your jerk radar and make better choices. Tons of people, both men and women, complain about using dating apps at 40. But usually, it’s not the apps— it’s your judgement that needs a little work. You’re just not seeing the signs.

The clearest signs that someone may be a player are revealed in the first five minutes of chatting. Here’s a big one: if they say they’re only casually looking to date, believe them. You won’t magically change their mind. Here’s another sign: if they’re overly flirty or worse, ask for sexy pics. Just delete these people. Unless they’re asking you thoughtful questions about your career, values and interests, forget them.

Stop cutting people so much slack. Don’t ever think that you need to dole out more chances because you might regret losing out on potential. There’s no potential with these clowns and you’re not desperate enough to flush away your time finding out. Instead, look at the truth right in front of you. It’ll bring you closer to finding what you desire.

7. Make your dating goals clear.
Always make sure the person you’re dating knows your dating goals. There’s a myth that it’s more attractive to act cool and pretend you’re not looking for anything serious. Apparently, admitting to wanting something more could be a turnoff. What the heck?

That’s like walking into a clinic and not telling your doctor what you’re feeling because you’re worried he’ll feel too much pressure to cure you. It’s the same twisted logic. If someone is truly interested in something special, they won’t get turned off from knowing you want the same. Anyone who does has commitment issues. You don’t need to these dysfunctional narcissists in your life. Let their therapist deal with them.

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Dating at 40 isn’t that different from dating at any other age. The only difference is that you’ve got more experience, better taste and hopefully, a lower tolerance for bullshit. You already know what you deserve. Act on it.

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